Me and Good Ol’ Chuck
If Charlie Brown were a real person, he would be me. I’ve spent my entire life being the weird round-headed kid who gets the football ripped away just as she is finally going to kick it. Okay, if I am being completely truthful here, I have never tried to kick a football, so in that way I’m not like Charlie Brown, but I do have an abnormally large head, so I think it’s still safe to say that good ol’ Chuck and I are kindred spirits.
No matter how hard I try, I always seem to be the odd girl out. My earliest recollections are of not fitting in. When I was in elementary school, my class got a special treat: two fitness experts came to our school and taught us about exercise using a huge rainbow parachute and a giant ball that resembled the Earth. Now, this being sometime in the early 1980s, the two “fitness experts” were a couple of guys wearing yellow short shorts with rainbow suspenders and sporting Magnum P.I. mustaches. Looking back now, I’m fairly certain they had also done their best Cheech and Chong impression in the VW van that they illegally parked in front of the school.
A multi-colored parachute, a huge earth ball, and two stoned guys—the exact recipe for a really great day. Every kid in my class giggled with unbridled excitement. But not me. I watched as the other kids ran under the parachute and laughed uncontrollably. I knew I was the odd man out, just standing there with my big head, wondering how anyone could perceive any of this as fun.
When it was my turn to run under the parachute, I decided I needed to at least try to fit in, so I ran with the reckless abandon of an overly-analytical eight-year-old desperately searching for the joy that lay within that shabby parachute. I ran with all my might as the class lifted up the expanse of rainbow-colored fabric, but I wasn’t fast enough. Every other kid made it under the parachute before it floated back down. But I got clothes-lined and knocked flat on my back, gasping for air.
Since it was the 1980s, no medical treatment was given, no forms filled out in triplicate. It was just me dusting myself off and wondering how in the world I was the only one who got taken out by that renegade parachute while thirty first graders and two grown men laughed at me.
That’s why I sympathize with good ol’ Chuck when he falls flat on his back trying to kick the football. No one escapes childhood unscathed.a Rafflecopter giveaway
More Tales from Suburbia: Yes, It Gets Even Crazier
by Brandi Haas
Official Synopsis:Life in the suburbs ain’t easy. Squeezing into those tiny chairs on the back-to-school night. Finding the beloved pet fish floating at the top of his bowl. Planning a romantic evening –only to fall asleep on the couch with your honey.
Lucky for us, we’ve got Brandi Haas to make us laugh. As the author of the popular blog “Tales from Suburbia,” Brandi tackles the big issues of our day—like whether to pay six bucks to valet park or search for a spot and walk ten blocks to the restaurant. Her stories about the daily absurdities of life will make you laugh out loud.
Heartfelt and seriously funny, More Tales from Suburbia: Yes, It Gets Even Crazier is like sharing a bottle of wine and conversation with your best girlfriend.